I decided to make my own, “When I miss him” list, after reading how making the list helped Pascale (Pascale’s Healing Journey) “stay strong in her resolve to keep no contact.”

Believe me and every other person who has experienced this type of abuse that no contact is incredibly painful and difficult, making it hard to believe if we can ever stop hurting.

The panic of never knowing if we can get him out of our system is real because “It is an addiction (biochemical) that is caused by the initial honeymoon grooming phase, followed first by boundary violations and then small acts of covert aggression, mixed with intermittent positive reinforcement. This creates uncertainty and a desire to restore the relationship to the early “happy” stages. Each time an abuser punishes and then rewards you, you experience physiological/biochemical changes that can be as powerful as a heroin addiction. This is why you can’t seem “to get him out of your system.” The wonderful person who sent me this helped me understand what I was going through. I reached the end of focusing on him because I accepted that he will never change, and will do what he did to me, his ex wife and girlfriend from when he was in his 20’s, to the current or next supplier because he, and others like him don’t have the capacity to attach.  This is painful to write because accepting it means that he wasn’t real.  I was real, my love was real, but he wasn’t.  I think about him a lot, mainly because of the damage he caused the night he physically assaulted  me, and how much it has burdened my ability to live a normal and healthy life.  And no, he has no remorse.  He said he was sorry, then became incredibly cruel and said and did horrible things knowing I had PTSD and a concussion.  His actions left me re traumatize, and it wasn’t until early September that I cut all contact, but even now I sometimes miss him and have to remind myself he isn’t real and the facts…

“…the most covertly abusive aspects of the narcissistic relationship is psychological and emotional invalidation. When the narcissist has NO reaction to us at all, it denies our humanity. Makes us feel like were worthless, invisible, unimportant, irrelevant. Its so dispiriting we cant believe its happening and so, we try one more time to see if we can get them to respond. If they dont respond, their silence reinforces the belief that were worthless. This is very similar to what a child feels when a parent neglects them and does not meet their emotional needs.”

 “Living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche, self-worth, emotional stability, and anxiety provoking causing you to constantly feel confused, frightened, unsettled and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (again gas-lighting.) Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and as well as making you believe you are losing your mental capacity or you have many issues that need fixed and all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. This is dehumanization, sadistic, and shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts and changes and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse!”

DEVALUE – once the Narcissist has manipulated you into their lair of lies and deceit, they manage their victim down into the depths of their pathology. Like a malignancy entering into their victim’s body they attack and erode their self-esteem, individuality and basically erase your personality. They will also demean, debase and destroy your spirit and extract whatever they want, need and desire or take complete control of your life.”

Sigh…Grateful to still be here.  I really am…so when I miss him next all I have to do is look at this list…

“When I Miss Him.“ 

  1. “I never had my hand on your neck.  It was your shoulder.” re pic above.  
  2. “Find another toilet to throw up in.”
  3. “I don’t care what you want.”
  4. “You create drama.”
  5. “We can either take the kids on vacation with us or stay here.”
  6. “I look forward to the next woman I meet.”
  7. “What is the big deal, she didn’t get what she wanted.”
  8. “I work with a lot of attractive women.”
  9. “Kill yourself and put us out of our misery.” 
  10. ”You’re not healthy.”
  11. “Where is the runner girl I met?”
  12. “I love learning how your mind works.”
  13. “I told David all about you”
  14. “Bethany knows about you.  She knows how much I love you.”
  15. “I am not trying to please Christine, I divorced her.  I don’t like her.”
  16. “I will drop you off, then go get the kids.”
  17. “I talk about you all the time.”
  18. “When I’m in Des Moines I’m working.”
  19. “There’s no cover up.”
  20. “I will come after you.”
  21. “Omissions aren’t lies.”
  22. “Do you understand the difference between professionals and administrative help.”
  23. “You are imagining things.”
  24. “Cunt”
  25. “Your mom is not a “doctor.” She has a Phd in plant physiology from the Sorbonne but he made it a point to tell me out of the blue she’s not a doctor.  
  26. “…whether we are still together or not”
  27. I never emotionally abused you”
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