Abuser, My Story

The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

I am glad to not understand or never be able to understand how people like him can sleep. About the Blog Categories Archives The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC The cycle of abuse Lenore Walker (1979) coined of tension building, acting-out, reconciliation/honeymoon, and calm is useful in most abusive relationships. However, when… Continue reading The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

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Killing the Power of Secrets

 

After having been with a habitual liar, who for the majority of the five years and 8 months I was with,  gaslighted me, emotionally battered me, and physically attacked me causing severe physical and emotional damage that continues to impact my daily life, I have come to recognize how choosing to be open and forcing myself not to own the shame he has tried so hard to force upon me has been instrumental in helping me heal – None of having been with someone I loved, and sometimes I believe still do, and thought loved me makes sense when I examine his actions.  It’s hard to stomach myself having been with someone whose actions spoke volumes in what I meant to him yet I listened to his words, which eventually stripped me of any self dignity and sense of self.  It has been a long journey to finally be able to forgive myself, and accept that I am not at fault for having loved a persona.  I had to accept that I spent more then five years of my life with a man who lacked empathy, compassion and integrity.  The persona I loved was a cover up for the devoid, detached, cruel and dangerous that he is.  When someone tells you over and over that they are earnest, honest and loving, after they lied, gaslighted or physically hurt you, their intent is really to avoid having to look in the mirror since they can’t face the truth of who they really are. Knowing your truth and being able to speak it, I have come to learn, sets you free.

UndeniablySara

Secrets breed pain and misunderstanding.  Seeing your story in writing or hearing it told through spoken word denies the secret of it’s power.  Stories should be told, pain must seek relief, and the shadowy world of dark secrets needs light.

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Dear Vince…

Letter resonates...only difference is I'm still picking up the pieces...   Tyler Nix There has never been a single moment in which I wished I never met you. Even I find that hard to believe, but it’s the truth. Before you, I had nothing to hold up to the light and point to and say,… Continue reading Dear Vince…

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Trying to suck me in…

He made his blog private after it didn't accomplish what he had hoped for. And yes, despite knowing its only intent to have been to draw me in, react or do something stupid, it still got to me, and I did react a few weeks after it was published leaving a tearful message asking what he wanted… Continue reading Trying to suck me in…

Abuser

His crazy ex and how she handled the wedgie…hope the two reunite!

In recent days I have been going over emails, not to rehash, but to re assure myself of what really happened versus his spin he tried and shove down my throat - Self doubt is the result of having been subjected to years of gaslighting, manipulation and guilt trips without realizing or understanding what was… Continue reading His crazy ex and how she handled the wedgie…hope the two reunite!

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One year ago…

on the 21st of December I was slammed against the wall by my “partner” - while it’s far from over, trying to heal and move forward from the physical injuries inflicted upon me that night, and the damage to my soul, sense of self and my sanity after enduring 5 years of emotional abuse and… Continue reading One year ago…

My Story

a covert’s way of handling a wedgie :)

I feel silly posting this but I have come to realize those of us who have experienced a relationship with monsters tell the stories to validate what really happened vs what they wanted us to think happened.  For me, where I am at today, re reading the emails and going over what happened is helping… Continue reading a covert’s way of handling a wedgie 🙂

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Dangerous Violent Criminal is who you are…

Like a well trained dog I told him it was good to hear his voice. When in fact hearing his voice reminded me of the coward that he is. It makes me sick to think that even now I act impulsively and say things not to upset him. He trained me early on that he… Continue reading Dangerous Violent Criminal is who you are…

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Exposing The Abuse

He told me his ex wife was decent because she didn't bring up his assault when she wanted to modify custody.  He told me he couldn't trust me because I called the police.  He told me he was sorry and showered me with gifts for two weeks before his trial, during the time he wasn't… Continue reading Exposing The Abuse

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It was my neck.

The biggest mistake I made that night was to not have the police arrest him.   I am still afraid of him and can't wait until I move away from here.  Yesterday, during our brief conversation he proved he was the same guy from the night he assaulted me.  He was only concerned about himself… Continue reading It was my neck.