When you look for a therapist, make sure they are experienced dealing with trauma and narcissistic abuse. I can’t stress this enough so please please please be picky and make sure they have the appropriate background and qualifications.
The victim needs to understand that this “dance” of codependency requires two people: the pleaser/fixer (victim), and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict), together both partners dance beautifully in perfect step, and the madness begins.
“You’re crazy – that never happened.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.” Does your partner say things like this to you a lot? Do you often start questioning what’s really true – or even your own –
I was able to breath when I read this. WOW!
PRO TIP: Covert manipulators love to start conversations with: “ I’m concerned about you.” “I care about you.” “I’m worried about you.” “I just want what’s best for you.” This type of passive aggressive communication is a strategy used by covert manipulators as a way to level up their dominance…
The covert-aggressive personality employs a potent one-two punch: the covert-aggressive conceals aggressive intent to ensure you never really see what’s coming; and he or she exploits your normal sensitivities, conscientiousness and other vulnerabilities to manipulate you into succumbing.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb.