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It’s a process…

Let me acknowledge that I am not the best writer and I know I’m all over the place with one day being done talking about the various incidents and the next being upset and sharing he lied about who he shaves his pubes for.  A dry sense of humor and sarcasm is my coping mechanism… Continue reading It’s a process…

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Dangerous Violent Criminal is who you are…

Like a well trained dog I told him it was good to hear his voice. When in fact hearing his voice reminded me of the coward that he is. It makes me sick to think that even now I act impulsively and say things not to upset him. He trained me early on that he… Continue reading Dangerous Violent Criminal is who you are…

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Exposing The Abuse

He told me his ex wife was decent because she didn't bring up his assault when she wanted to modify custody.  He told me he couldn't trust me because I called the police.  He told me he was sorry and showered me with gifts for two weeks before his trial, during the time he wasn't… Continue reading Exposing The Abuse

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It was my neck.

The biggest mistake I made that night was to not have the police arrest him.   I am still afraid of him and can't wait until I move away from here.  Yesterday, during our brief conversation he proved he was the same guy from the night he assaulted me.  He was only concerned about himself… Continue reading It was my neck.

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Sins of the mother

Scott A. Bonn Ph.D.Wicked Deeds Posted Mar 17, 2014 The Real Life Horror Tale of the Twisted “Co-ed Killer” Ed Kemper is a genius, psychopath and necrophile. Edmund Kemper III, a psychopathic serial killer and necrophile who became known as “The Co-ed Killer,” was born December 18, 1948, in Burbank, California. He was arrested in April… Continue reading Sins of the mother

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I broke no contact today

Sigh...I can’t even begin to try and explain what happened.  I dropped my son off at school, came home and began to cry uncontrollably asking why did this have to happen to me.  Why did he throw me so hard to cause the damages that he did.  I called leaving message after message, crying, asking… Continue reading I broke no contact today

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30 Kickass Affirmations For Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist

By Shahida Arabi, May 1st 2017 http://tcat.tc/2oO5HGL No Contact from a narcissistic or otherwise abusive, toxic ex-partner can be a rewarding and challenging time. Survivors of emotional and/or physical abuse are not only paving a new path to freedom and rebirth, they may also be struggling with the effects of cognitive dissonance, fear, obligation and guilt (FOG), as well as the traumatic effects of the… Continue reading 30 Kickass Affirmations For Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist

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Funny little lies

It's hard to explain the mechanism of Narcissistic Abuse to those who haven't experienced it because the conditioning to drive you crazy starts early.  For example, in my situation the first time he gas lighted me was after I caught him in a lie.  Of course he apologized immediately because that's what they do, but… Continue reading Funny little lies

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No contact is imperative to healing.

Why it’s so hard to cut contact. "It is an addiction (biochemical) that is caused by the initial honeymoon grooming phase, followed first by boundary violations and then small acts of covert aggression, mixed with intermittent positive reinforcement. This creates uncertainty and a desire to restore the relationship to the early “happy” stages. Each time… Continue reading No contact is imperative to healing.

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Dear Abuser

 

Another incredible piece via Picking Up the Pieces. Thank you Amy! I feel exactly the same way. He took a lot from me so there’s no way I’m going to own the shame of the choices he made. He’s evil!

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To my abuser:

Thank you for your invitation on LinkedIn.  Pardon me if ignore you, because you must be attempting to send a veiled message that you have kept tabs on me while I have decided to move on with my life and heal from the damage you left behind.  If you have any semblance of a memory remaining, you surely remember how I was when we first met back in the days of MySpace.  Surely you recall how vocal I could be with things I find morally objectionable, cruel, and despicable.  There is no way you would have forgotten this, and I really hope you don’t think or expect that I would have forgotten all this.  Do you?

Did you forget that day you had me on the floor with the butcher knife in my face?  I told you that if I ever got away from you alive, I would tell everyone what you are.  Unlike you, I keep my promises, because keeping my word means something.  I’m not the one that uses it to manipulate people into getting what I want, then refusing to follow through once you’ve gotten what you came for.  That, my not-so-little life lesson, is all on you.  You must know that I talk about you and what you did, not just to me but the others who you abused before me.  I use you as a warning to others to help them avoid being trapped in the darkness with others like you.  I use you as a way to provide hope to others who are being (or have been abused) that no matter how much damage is lying in wait in the aftermath, there is hope.  There is healing.  There is life after.  Most importantly, all those lies and threats and manipulation you used to control me are paper tigers.  There are people who believe us, there are people who help us, and there are people who care about us.

Maybe you found my blog.  Maybe you found my Twitter profile.  They are both public, because I have nothing to hide.  If you have seen them, go ahead and take it all in.  Everything you read is a result of what you did to me and my finding strength and courage to overcome it.  READ IT.  Hunt me down.  Follow me.  Do whatever.  I’m not hiding from you.  This is my life, and you don’t get to chase me out.  But you should know that if something were to happen to me, there are an army of people who would know who is at fault.  Some of them are in possession of pertinent information to have you found and held accountable should you decide to retaliate.  You can run all you want, but you, sir, are not that good at hiding.  No one who is bent on revenge at all costs can stay hidden long, because your hatred and seething rage at being disregarded boils inside until you can’t take it anymore.

It was not easy at first to keep my promise that I made to tell everyone what I have lived through, but I promise you I have no secrets in things you did.  I share them all, and I share them openly.

You failed at making me shrink back in shame.

You failed in making me hiding away in fear of you.

So monitor me if you want.  But know this: I’m not going to stop – even if I am afraid of you.  Know why?  You don’t deserve the silence, and you don’t deserve the peace.

Picking Up the Pieces

To my abuser:

Thank you for your invitation on LinkedIn.  Pardon me if ignore you, because you must be attempting to send a veiled message that you have kept tabs on me while I have decided to move on with my life and heal from the damage you left behind.  If you have any semblance of a memory remaining, you surely remember how I was when we first met back in the days of MySpace.  Surely you recall how vocal I could be with things I find morally objectionable, cruel, and despicable.  There is no way you would have forgotten this, and I really hope you don’t think or expect that I would have forgotten all this.  Do you?

Did you forget that day you had me on the floor with the butcher knife in my face?  I told you that if I ever got away from you alive, I…

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