Facts

My plan for this page is to add to it by sharing my experience.  More later…

Three months into our relationship (March 2012) I received the email below.  I learned one and a half year later, at the time he wrote this expressing concern over his inability to be truthful was the same weekend he and his ex wife decided to divorce. I had no clue and was under the impression the divorce was in motion.  My point for posting this is to show how he wasn’t able to stay with the pain of being a liar and was essentially blaming the “relationship” for his behavior.  He also used this time to make me believe I was “special” because I inspired him to be a better person.  He said he never felt love for anyone else, like he did for me.  He told me he would follow me and live in a shack with me. He flattered me and made me feel incredibly special.  Ironically, what ended his marriage ended us.  His inability to be truthful, to show empathy, compassion and connection.  I keep reading and reading and I’m flabbergasted by how it all fits together.  Who he was and what his sickness is and then I am sad because people like him don’t get better.  Then I’m scared because I wonder why am I sad.  Am I sad because I miss him…what is there to miss.  I think I’m overwhelmed because I realize, almost one year after he assaulted me, what danger I put myself in. God! I wish I would have learned what a covert narcissist was.  Of course, that’s my opinion given I’m not a mental health professional, but everything, and I mean everything describes us, and if I go back and look through all the emails and texts, I will be able to show it.  It’s overwhelming…

When we talked on Sunday I shared my insecurity about how much of my previous failed relationship was related to something that will cause future relationships to fail the same way.  My fatal flaw so to speak.  That’s an unfair question to you on a number of levels.  It’s an honest concern I have but isn’t fair to you because it asks you to consider things that I honestly don’t know are traits ingrained in me or traits that were manifest in the relationship specifically and would not appear in another relationship.  I don’t know that and so it’s not something you can know either and frankly, just exposes things about me that are not all that attractive and yet I also don’t know are even real.”

Advertisements