It was ALL Christine’s fault!!!

Yep! she didn’t like fish or would make it known she didn’t like the smell of cooked onions hence my abuser was 90 pounds overweight.  It was also her fault for the end being the end after 20 seconds of penetration because that would not have been the case had she had sex with him more often.   It’s always somebody else’s fault with these people, isn’t it.

Christine was unstable, coordinated the move and divorce, too.  I mean why would she want to divorce a guy who kept something from her that should have been addressed right away or one who is so disconnected.  He gave her a huge house to buy things for so that should have kept her from expecting more from him, right.   You with me so far? I was special when Christine was unstable and unable to deal  with the divorce.  I was special because I like fish and Christine didn’t.  I was special because I loved to have sex and couldn’t get enough of him but she was the one at fault for his inability to satisfy her.  So now I’m unstable and can’t deal with the break up and Jessica is special because she makes it easy for him not to have to do anything he doesn’t want since all he wants to do is cycle in silence and fornicate afterwards.  And since I bet he hasn’t been happy with my sharing how quickly things come to an end, he’s popping the viagra to make sure he’s covered his ground.  He’s fixed!!! Oh my goodness!  He fixed himself.  He made friends. He has a new source of supply and he’s in that state of “planning things” so they’re learning all the trails together and finally he fixed his 20 second issue so she can take credit for that and feel even more special. Christine was special. Christine was unstable.  Vesta was super special, the happiest he had ever been in his life.  Vesta is now unstable.  Jessica is super duper special because she’s a cyclist who believes her new green eyed monster’s abuse was a one time thing deal and it will be different with her because she’s special.  Sooner rather than later, she’s going to be the unstable one.  We’re all special and then we’re all unstable.  Patterns.  Right now it’s all so perfect in his head.  Everything is perfect with the help of Viagra. Oh, just for the record, I never complained about how quickly things progressed with him because the one thing we did well was have a lot of sex so after three or four times the 20 seconds expanded.    I was his fantasy, so he said.  That’s the feces I bought.  He will never be able to be as open sexually with anyone else.  That’s the one thing I know – Sex is one of the only ways he expresses himself – he will never express himself that way again because he sees my discussing it as a betrayal. Oh, he taught me a few things about how understanding weaknesses and using it to humiliate works.  His lawyer made me out to be a whore discussing our sex life in court.  His current lawyer refers to me as a middle aged woman who is obsessed with him.  He enjoys humiliating me so the more he does it, the more I will share.  Oh yes, Mr. Wells Fargo VP, has a naughty side to him – he paid a stripper in Vegas 2000.00 and claims she only lap danced. I was stupid to buy it.  He likes teen porn because he prefers smaller bodies.  That one makes me a little sick. He’s into threesomes.

Yes, I talk about it this openly because in the end he used sex to make me feel horrible about how open I was with him.  He once turned me on, pretty much forced my clothes off, then refused to have sex.  He’s a sick monster.  So yeah, I’m gonna talk about his inability to keep an erection and his sexual preferences like liking a bare vulva. LOL…feels good to not care about facade.  Feels so good to not give a damn and treat him as if he was nothing.  I have to continue to dehumanize him to cope with the monster that he is and the severe injuries he caused.  If nothing is off limits for him then nothing is off limits for me.  Nothing is sacred.  So yes, lets add one more thing to his title.  Vincent Beggs, Wells Fargo VP, with the erectile dysfunction who is most likely taking Viagra.  I am so positive about this that I’m saying it out loud.  What I get most from this, is not so much doing what he did to me to him, but rather shaking his core by demonstrating knowing how he works.  Guessing at the details spooks him because he can’t gaslight me.  He can’t lie to me anymore and he can’t control me.  That’s what’s super sweet about it all.  I use to keep my mouth shut and eat the humiliation because didn’t want him to be mad at me.  That’s no longer a concern and that is killing him because he still thinks he’s special to me when he’s really not. He’s the dangerous violent criminal who maimed me. He’s a sadistic coward who tortured me.  He’s not a man.  He’s a lump of flesh who can’t keep it up.  He’s a sick bastard who stars in his own play with the same script but different characters.   We are all special until he gets tired and then we become unstable.  All of us.

A few texts he use to send.  I’m not posting these because I’m jealous of Jessica, but rather I hope it helps her realize she is being used.  He has a pattern and as hard as it may be to recognize, she is disposable but she wants to be special and he’s given her that bone by “wanting to learn the trails.” That’s how he got her attention.  He started running with me – use to call me runner girl.  Christine was driven and the two wanted to get rich.  He wanted to wander the streets in wonder with me and with Jessica, she’s going to be the one who shows him all of the trails and that’s going to be bonding them and soon she will be there helping him with his four law suits.  He’ll lose interest when she least expect it but it will be too late because by then her world will be to get things back to where they were.  If he truly cared for her, he would not have begun what he started with lies. If she was strong enough, she would have stepped outside of her comfort zone and examined what he was telling her versus what he wrote in the data she has.

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