Disgust is my motivation!

43245305_2148005731884803_3965916202047373312_nIt’s Tuesday.  So far this week I’ve had 4 doctor appointments.  Starting next week it’s going up from 11 to 12 per week! So, while my abuser is probably salivating, looking forward to his night ride, pizza, beer and fornication, I am trapped in the prison he built for me.  He stalks me every minute of everyday but in the end I will beat him at his own game because I am not weak like he is. I am not a coward who can’t examine her actions.  I am not a liar who has to hide from the truth.  The severities of the injuries he caused should have landed you in jail for over a decade.

With the elections coming up next week he should really begin to worry in how far I plan to go to make sure policies that allowed people like him to get away, never do again.

This week has been an epic week in that I decided to finally turn my anger and resentment towards his pompous self, to motivation and shifting my focus to the big picture.  I refuse to carry the shame and I will make myself the poster child of how the system fails women who are victims of narcissistic abuse and violence.  I will learn how to speak publicly because there are organizations who will teach victims, like me, so that we can share out stories with those who actually matter.

I have told every story about the abuse and lies I endured with you, I have exposed the filth that he is, which really isn’t all that productive as I’ve come to realize.

44126878_597739183962658_6177367606895312896_n#timesup Vincent Beggs. My abuser has had two years to seriously work on why he is as evil as he is. He has had two years to gain understanding as to why every relationship he begins is based on lies. He has enjoyed humiliating me and stomping on me every chance he gets.  Well, let’s see how believable he is when the people who matter take me seriously.  Desperate women who can’t hear themselves talk about having wasted 12 years of their life and chalking up their ex husband’s behavior to circumstantial when it wasn’t.

People like his new supplier chalked up what my abuser did as a one time “circumstantial” incident.  And with that I realized she’s more of a desperate soul than I was, and that makes me sad because I wanted his love so bad I let you bulldoze over me. I guess congratulations is in order for having found someone who is more naive, innocent and hungry for love than I was.  It is truly sad to see her behaving out of her emotional mind versus her thinking mind, and not realize the importance of patterns in her own life. I  understand the difficulties to accepting that some people don’t have a conscious that leads them to beginning “relationships” on lies.  Reality is he lied to me hoping to never get caught, yet he did.  He doesn’t care about consequences as he allows for his ego to certainly shine through since it is guaranteed the new supplier will learn the lies he’s told because she’s now MY witness as is Joyce, Mariette, Roger, Wells Fargo, Sabrina, Tim, Jeff and whoever else has been told lies.  I am glad I will never understand how this person operates.  I simply don’t get it and that’s a good thing.

27654620_10159984959605582_5467788975369654795_nWhat I’m left with is disgust that is now  what motivates me to make sure no one ever gets traumatizes a second time around by therapists or law.

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