Kindness

He use to tell me kindness will bring you kindness. When I veer towards sarcasm in my writing, it’s a usually a symptom that I am struggling sitting with emotions that are uncomfortable.  I recognize I don’t want to be weak and admit I think about him, and some days still wish he would get real help for the sake of his kids.  His inability to do the right thing has led him to a horrible place, but it was his choice, and not mine. Yeah, he’s on my mind a lot this week because he’s turning 50 in a few days.  I guess I struggle with thoughts and feelings that I saw glimpses of humanity in him.  He would get so excited and was truly touched by my thinking about him and going out of my way to have the kids involved since they never did anything for him.  It was something new, and it was during those times when I think he felt love that I saw a human.  It makes me sad he wasn’t and isn’t strong enough to deal with his pain or demons that keep him in the same place he has been for the majority of his life.  He needs to deal with having a mother who gaslighted and guilted him because to this day he turns into a scared little boy, and the way his ex wife is, is very similar to his mother.   Read the crap she writes.  “I blame Vince for having you in my life”  No, I wasn’t there for your life.  You chose to tell us how to have a relationship and you chose to make yourself present each time you saw us as a unit try and be separate from you.  Vince wasn’t strong enough to break from your guilt and manipulation.  Chicken recipe and thanksgiving drama captures Christine Beggs fully. His mother was the same.  Just a horrible horrible person. Cruel. divisive and mean.  Anyone with a mother like that doesn’t have much of a chance.  It takes a strong person to break from that.  It takes a strong person to not teach their kids the behavior that his mother and ex wife demonstrate are healthy.  My heart goes out to the boys.  I can’t feel sorry for Vince because he chooses to live the way he does.

So Vince, I know you are reading this because that’s what you do. For the sake of your kids, get yourself real help, come clean about everything and be someone they can be proud of. Stop the gaslighting and free yourself of your demons.  I want to believe the person who I knew after his accident in 2012 is real.  The only time you ever were present.

 

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