He is cruel and selfish and he doesn’t believe omissions are lies. We’ll see how that works out in court for him. His GF from late 80’s until early 90’s described him as a man who was emotionally unavailable, as did his ex wife, calling him emotionally devoid and detached. His youngest son once described him as not a very nice person going on to say he lacked empathy. Below is gchat I came across tonight. I threw up in my mouth reading my responses, which were so understanding. It never changed.
Another revealing aspect of the exchange is how he justifies his traits. It’s what makes him a coward. You would think for a guy who claims he has more brains than hair he would wonder why the women he has been with all point out the same trait and those traits are the ones that eventually ended the relationships. His fatal flaw is the inability to think he is less than perfect. Christine was jealous of the new improved Vince she saw with me. I became his enabler and allowed him to blame her for how he was in that relationship. That’s Love bombing. Nothing special about me just as there was nothing special about her. He lost interest in her after a couple years so she dragged him to therapy. Didn’t do a thing because he is and will never be capable of attachment. This almost 50 year old man is a poor example for his kids because of the example he has set. He has 100 people working under him and will forever be a slave to his ex wife and mother. And that’s at the root of his inability to attach – the conditioning that took place during his childhood that he’s fearful to explore.
Vincent: You don’t have to say anything. I am fine and will be fine. Thank you for your email. It helps.
Being able to reach out to you and talk is an incredible help sometimes and I really appreciate it. I don’t want it to be the topic of all our conversations though so I want to be careful.
me: it won’t be the topic of all our conversations. I promise to tell you when I’ve had enough. ok?
me: this is going to end vince
so it’s okay
talk all you want
Vincent: But when you say you have had enough, it’s too late. I am not in dispair, really.
Just verbalizing some frustrations
And working out next steps. I am an analyst at heart so it’s just a logic problem for me sometimes. Not devoid of emotion, because it’s there for sure, but it’s an intellectual set of problems for me to work through. I know I will get through it. I have been through other really painful times before and know I came out stronger.
So just working through it. And keeping my attention also on myself.
Consider it selfish or not, I am not going to compromise my health again.
me: i know you’re not in despair. I don’t think of you talking about it as you being broken, and get you need to get it out.
That is not selfish.
Did she say you were selfish for taking care of yourself?
Vincent: I think it was more directed towards my multiple “vacations”.
And “chasing girls online”.
I didn’t tell her they chased me. 🙂 LOL
I am sure they are
I was the one who chased you…
Vincent: While the ride the rockies and the Gran Fondo are vacations in a sense, I am doing them as much for the motivation to train than anything else.
So yes its a vacation but I am not going to sit on a beach and drink pina coladas while she is working. And I have four weeks of vacation (five actually if I used the week I rolled from last year) so I have the time.
me: did you engage when you got the texts?
Vincent: A little but I do not get into back and forth. I try to keep the conversation positive on what I can do. I ignore the chasing women and cruel and selfish comments except to say I am not cruel.
I know no good will come of escalating the hostility.
me: so what else is new
Vincent: The pool outside my window is turning green. I think that means it’s getting warmer. 🙂
me: you can have skinny dipping parties with all the girls that you’re chasing 🙂
have a good day tomorrow. I guess I’ll see you end of the month or early june.
Depending on what is going on with the close and Christine’s trip next weekend I may have time over the weekend next weekend but it will be a little while before I can tell for sure..
me: no worries..we’ll figure it out
Vincent: Thanks. I hope you have a good day tomorrow too.