Healing Stages, My Story

What being emotionally raped and gutted feels like

I’m not great at expressing myself when it comes to trying to describe how the emotional abuse I endured during the 5.5 years I was with my abuser, Vince Beggs, has impacted my life. But today, being seven floors underground in the heart of the World Trade Center, within the archaeological space where the 9/11 Museum’s exhibition space is located, the artifacts that included steel pillars and concrete walls from both towers became my metaphor that symbolized how I felt after having endured the long term emotional rape, gutting, and violence inflicted upon me.

The steele pillar that endured the impact of the first plane was powerful to see, broken in two but not totally destroyed. To see a portion of the slurry wall, a surviving retaining wall of the original World Trade Center that withstood the devastation of 9/11 symbolized all who have survived abuse, including myself, but are able to put one foot in front of the other, stand tall and become stronger. While part of the devastation we are left with will always be with us, remembering the the abusers are no different than the hijackers – coward souls who believe their way is the only way, and will go to any length to force their belief onto us believing they will be rewarded by 92 virgins/suppliers, not giving a damn about the wreckage their victims are left with.  Only evil is capable of justifying the unbearable pain they inflict while continue to justify their actions and view themselves as victims.

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