Gaslighting, My Story

Vengeance or doing what’s right? Angie Plemmons De Ramos, the woman who bullied me.

On the evening of May 3, 2018 I began to delete posts because I didn’t feel I had a sense of direction on the blog.  Yes, a lot of it has been therapeutic and has helped in feeling independent from my abuser in being able to speak the truth. That said, I know I’m not a great writer, but after 5.5 years of emotional abuse that turned violent, I needed to get it all out.  What I am going to say next a contradiction to my prior statement so imagine how confused I sometimes feel – I also realized that blogging had become a crutch in aiding me from feeling the pain of having been conned, humiliated, betrayed, shitted on, fooled and kicked over and over and over when I was down. I thought it was time to try and fill my time with activities that would bring joy to my life, but to do that I had to allow myself to feel the pain and process what happened.  I was at peace with my choice because it was time and because I was making it without outside influence.

That lasted all of 3-4 hours, until the morning of May 4, 2018 when I received notification to moderate a comment by an author whose name caught my attention since it was my grandmother’s first name and the name of a Persian Restaurant in San Francisco, as the last name of the sender.  I was confused when I began reading since the message was essentially sent to intimidate me by strongly “suggesting” I remove my “untrue posts” because Vince’s associates were being nice not to have engaged in publicly shaming me.

(OMG!  I just realized…Vince and the sender had been in contact, therefore, the threat that his associates may be the ones participating in public shaming could only have come from him.  WOW!!! I told you I’m slow.  Well, he uses his work phone for text and sending emails so can’t wait to get those records from his employer.  WOW WOW WOW!!!)

 The author of the message then shifts from Idaho Mafia to expert witness/Neurology expert when she berates me, accusing me of lying about my condition, going as far as saying I had these problems before I was assaulted. Imagine how I felt – This moron – This piece of trash who will never be able to climb out of the dumpster she was born in knew I had PTSD but still went on to try and trigger me.  It was jarring to get a note filled with so much passive aggressive hate. And sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t a coordinated effort between her and Vince in trying to trigger me to do something stupid.  Initially, I assumed it was either Vince or his ex wife, Christine, since no one else would gain anything from threatening me, and it was at that moment that I made the decision to not give in to the threat and stand up for myself. And just like that, I clicked on the trash icon and restored every post I hadn’t permanently deleted the night before, and shared what had happened – There was no way I was going to let anyone bully me – Enough was enough.

Eight weeks later I learned it was Angela Plemmons De Ramos of Emmett, Idaho who sent the message.  A ghost from my past who I hadn’t spoken to in 11 years.  Someone I chose not to continue a friendship with because she drained me, always borrowing money for food or rent or this or that. It was always about her.  Her 50 kittens she returned home to because her drunk boyfriend didn’t spade/neuter the cats.  Having to listen to her cry because her place stank like cat urine – The stories were endless and of course she was always the victim who needed to be bailed out.  So once she had a child and I saw how she handled it, I decided that I no longer wanted this person in my life.  I, too, have a daughter and I didn’t want this person or her child to be part of our lives.  I had known Angie at that point for almost 20 years and in that 20 years, nothing had changed and I didn’t want to be part of it anymore.  The last conversation I had with her, her  resentment towards my life came forth when she made the statement of my living off of my husband.  Yes, my husband was the one that worked outside of  the home and I was a mom.  Something we, as a couple, had agreed on.  And unlike Vince’s ex, I was a real stay at home mom.  I didn’t have nannies or full time babysitters nor did I travel weeks at time leaving my kids with family or sitters.  I cooked and I cleaned – I did have the house deep cleaned once every two weeks and had a sitter who come once a week for 2 or 3 hours so I could have a little time by myself because my husband at the time worked 70 plus hours a week.  And, Angie benefited from the money I lent her or gave to her on a regular basis to buy herself food or pay the rent.   It was non stop.  Even before I was married and worked, I lent her money – She lacked judgment when I knew her, and by the actions she took, it is obvious she hasn’t matured.

What is hypocritical and demonstrates lack of morals, eithics and conscious is her audacity to ask I remove my negative posts about her because she and her husband are worried about their professional life.  Isn’t that something she should have thought about before sending the note trying to intimidate me?

So, a month has passed since I learned of her involvement and I am not sure how I want to handle it.  I asked her to apologize and to provide documentation of her involvement with ViDid Vince pay her?  Did Christine?  They obviously knew about her – Some of the phrases used in the message were exact phrases Vince has said to me.  I see now how she is behind it as well because she always spoke about subjects as if she was the expert when in reality she knew nothing about what she was talking about.  My options are I hire a lawyer in Idaho and go after her, because I believe it was after her message and my response to who I believed was Vince, that they chose to use the courts in trying to shut down my blog, and obviously that didn’t go well since I am still here.  I can let it go.  Or I can contact the school district that she teaches in and let them know what she did.  It’s documented by the court system so it’s not a he said she said issue.  I ask myself whether I am doing it to be vindictive or whether I have real concerns about a 50 year old woman doing what she did given she is a teacher who is responsible for the most precious cargo we as parents have.  I know I would want to know if my kids teachers lack judgment the way she has and have purposely bullied someone who has been very open about having PTSD and cognitive deficits that are well documented by experts.  Not just any doctor, but reputable ones with degrees from Harvard and Johns Hopkins.  My neurologist has written 3 books and has and continues to give interviews and educate other neurologists who specialize in concussion.   I didn’t just land in his office.  I had extensive testing of my brain and my ears and a complete neurocognitive workup that picks up if the client is bluffing.  I landed in his office because other doctors who specialize in Brain Trauma could not help me given my symptoms had gone on for so long so they sent me to the one who everyone around the country sends their most difficult cases to.

So, imagine my anger after learning that this person who knows nothing about me other than what Vince has said, is writing and causing more trauma in my life.  I have images of my brain and how it changed after months of work in trying to reduce my anxiety.  Everything that is documented leads to the natural conclusion that she is an idiot who was either paid to write me or did it on her own thinking she was making a new friend in Vince who she could later hit up for cash.  This girl inserted herself in every friendship I had when we were young and I think this is just another one of those situations except she doesn’t have any idea who Vince is and is fooled by his facade and the lies so much so that she is has now placed herself in major legal jepordy damaging her reputation that will for certain result in losing her license to teach.   Question I ask myself is am I being vindictive if I call and let them know or am I raising the appropriate alarm with people who should know what their employee is doing since she works with children. This sorry excuse of a human being had the audacity to say  Who do you think you are fooling? “How many more friends and loved ones do you want to lose because you still haven’t learned to control your compulsiveness and impulses, nor take responsibility for your actions?”  Who is the one being compulsive and acting on her impulse to go as far as writing a letter with the intent to intimidate and bully to someone she hadn’t talked to in 11 years.  Who is the one who is dangerous and demonstrated lack of judgment.  What person in their right mind would do such a thing, deny it and then ask for my silence so she doesn’t lose her job.  Really?  She should take her own advice and learn to take responsibility for her actions.  She wants to talk about burning bridges – really?  What she did was deplorable and to send the note accusing me of harassing her because I tried to get a hold of her after learning she was behind it only proves she is the only one here unable to assume responsibility for her actions. She did exactly what Vince did by doing something horrible and then putting the consequence of their action on me and not even asking nicely but rather acting as if I owed them.  No, I don’t owe anyone anything.  Kindness will get you kindness…If you are worried about your professional livelihood, perhaps stopping to think before sending such a letter would have been helpful.  Or maybe calling and groveling and apologizing but why assume responsibility for your actions when you can’t even bring yourself to admitting what you have done.  She’s a teacher who is supposably teaching kids and is suppose to set a good example, instead she gets involved with a man who maimed me – even that is surprising since her mother and grandmother were victims of domestic abuse.  She herself is a victim of abuse from her father.  So then is she repeating the pattern of gravitating towards abusive men?  I don’t know but she has two kids and teaches young kids – I don’t know what I’ll do but I know I would not want her teaching my kids.  Her actions have proven she lacks judgment.   Essentially, she’s bullying me and she is a teacher…sigh….

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