Dear Vince,

“You show me how to LOVE”  No, I did not show you how to love. Your mother wins the award for that one so please give credit where credit is due because I certainly don’t want any credit for how you love.  Your kind of loving is toxic and abusive and leaves people to wonder about their sanity.  Your kinda loving almost killed me. Your kind of loving has left me physically maimed.  Your kinda loving has left me with PTSD.  Your kind of loving, I want to forget.

Try spinning it anyway you like, but you can never run away from it.  My medical records are my medical records and I can share them with anyone I want, and will.  You caused the injuries, and your behavior thus far has been atrocious.

Your meaningless words are just that, meaningless and empty as your grandiose ideas of who you are. In reality, you are a coward who assaulted a woman much weaker and smaller than you because you couldn’t get her to obey you.  You lack empathy and a moral compass, and strength.  Only people with strength can look at themselves and do what is difficult, which is change.  I don’t feel sorry for you but rather those you will hurt on this journey that we are all on.  You are doing exactly what you did after your separation by excessively riding trying to lose weight as you do all that you can to run away from your pain and the web of lies that has landed you where you are, while you look for a new supplier.  I feel scared for her and whoever else that you will get entangled with.  Your own mother and ex wife tried to tell me how horrible you were but I was too stupid to believe them because you had conned me with your meaningless words in making me feel special.  Your mother was write in telling me I had no idea what I was getting into. I don’t like her but maybe in the beginning they were trying to warn me, but I was too blind to see. You can keep riding Vince but you will never be able to pass the demons.  They are on your tail and they will all catch up with you.  Tell your supplier the truth that you waited 5 months after we totally ended or maybe you began trolling while we were still together.  Why should I believe otherwise.

You are a grown man but you are unable to be alone and you need need to be worshiped.  You need someone like me, a fool to fall for your BS, like the time you melted my heart when you said you would follow me anywhere and live in a shack with me.  I was such an idiot for thinking I was special.  I was nothing to you, and all you are to me now is the guy who destroyed my inner ear, caused brain injury, PTSD and much much more.  All you are to me is a violent and dangerous criminal.  That’s who you are and what I look most to is the day we are all ordered to see a forensic psychologist, and that day is coming soon.

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See where he says how he realizes how little control he has over his fate is what allows him to stay in the present.  This is what scares me about him.  He has no sense of who he is and believes he is the person he is describing, but the truth couldn’t be further.

My abuser was and continues to be  very controlling and a pathological liar.  As he was writing these words he was lying about being in Chicago with just his kids at his parents house.  His ex wife was there too. He told me with tears rolling down his cheeks that he was going to ask her not to join him and his family since their relations was strained.  He changed his mind because she and his mother pressured him.  He continues to claim she was at a hotel and “can’t remember” how  she got to their home Christmas day.  This is the first time he humiliated me.  And he did it by asking me “why does it matter if she came, she didn’t get her way, she wasn’t there christmas morning” – This is how he made me feel bad about what I wanted.  I did not demand she not go. I simply said if I had to remain hidden while he vacationed with his ex, then this it would be best to lighten things up because I don’t think he was are ready for a relationship.

One year later, I found out she was there Christmas Day.  His mother’s first word out of her mouth was to say she didn’t spend the night, but I believe they are lying.  The ex won’t answer and Vince sticks to his story of not remembering.  My gut tells me she was there and I’m going to accept she was there.  When Vince lies he tries to make up for it except I didn’t catch on to that until much later.  After he returned he couldn’t get enough of me, for two days all he wanted was sex and in between our lovemaking he gave me this meaningless book that brought tears to my eyes because I felt so loved.   I need to stop now.

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Last time he gaslighted was July 2017 when he tried to convince me that the bruises on my body could have been caused by my having bumped into things.  Nice things about trials is the part where we hire expert witnesses to create a reenactment of what happened based on bruises and injuries to my head.

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