Old habits die hard. If I had to guess, I would say my abuser is in Colorado pretending to be the perfect ass hole that he is. Drinking his beer, taking selfie after selfie, posting and sharing with friends while I struggle putting groceries away because he lost his temper and slammed me into the wall. I have to live with what he did to me day in and day out,
Unlike what they want to believe, this is about how he has treated me. Lacking remorse coupled with the constant show of arrogance is what drives me. Period. Nothing more and nothing less. I am happy to have finally broken free from him and I don’t have any desire to be with him nor, unlike his ex, believe he has changed and therefore am “envious” of whoever he is in the process of defrauding. I only fear for them. So, I’ve turned my anger into a positive. I am officially now a non profit. Oh yeah…I’m soooo done talking in circles. It’s time to do something about what I’m here complaining about. It’s time to show the world how people like him do things to hurt people like me and get away with it. It’s time to put those who enable people like this in the spotlight and hold them accountable for their actions when they chose to blame the victim. It has to stop and the best way to stop it is to bring awareness.
That said, I decided instead of being anonymous and only talking about my abuse here to start getting support in the various communities I’m involved in. Not my problem if people pair us by association. He should have thought of that right before he slammed me against the wall or the 7 months after that I stayed hoping he would show an ounce of humanity. He had his chance over and over and over again and he chose to be even more abusive. Why should I be expected to hide or feel shame. Vince, my abuser, the asshole, the ass wipe, the bastard, the prick, and everything else I’ve called him should be the one feeling shame for the dangerous and violent criminal that he is. For the violence he unleashed against me and for his despicable behavior afterwards. Why should I be afraid of being judged? F&@“ society and anyone who enables monsters like him. If he is so proud of who he is then he should be proud of abusing a woman a foot shorter and 90 pounds lighter than him. Shame on him for his inability to control his anger. Shame on him for wanting to kick me out of the car in the middle of the night, on a dark road, when I was having an anxiety attack. Shame on him for telling me to kill myself. Why should I feel shame for what happened to me. I’m going to force myself to talk more and more with my circles. Why should I be the one who hides and doesn’t share the hardships of her daily life. Why should I not gather support for my struggles. Why should he be able to take me away from my kids during a tumultuous time in their life as he pretends to have done nothing wrong. Why should he get away without being remorseful and why should I have to be the one who sucks it up and have to do all the accepting. Who made that the norm? Assholes like him? NO. ENOUGH. How many others will he do this to before someone speaks up.
I registered the name for my non profit today and will start a meetup for victims of narcissistic abuse. I’m sick of being bullied and I’m sick of people viewing me as a jilted lover and not taking into consideration the assault I endured was so brutal to have serious and permanent injuries, which impact what I can and can not do. F$&@ his happy sister and brother in law Kim and Mark Henkel in daring to say I provoked him and making fun of me and calling me a dolt. F^*+ Tim Hanson and Sarah Shelquist for telling me I provoked him. Fuck Tim Hanson for telling colleagues that I am lying. F&$” Jeff Gooder for telling me it’s my fault to have been attacked. Fuck all those people who dare to blame the victim and allow the abusers in this world to keep abusing. If you’re so proud of your stance then don’t be shy about who you are.
So to celebrate Ride The Rockies, everyday next week I am going to link my blog to one of my social media or social networking sites and go public with the non profit in order to bring change and to celebrate my total and complete freedom from the monster that has impacted my life in a way that I can’t even put my groceries away without getting nauseated. Since I’m forced to think about him then I am going to smile because I know that I am helping another person on this planet break free from an abuser just like mine. If I have to think about his enormous ego then I am going to smile because I know that I’m helping someone break free from someone just like him. I refuse to let this experience be a negative. I am going to share myself, my medical records, police records, psychological records and say F$&@ YOU V*** B**** for doing what you did to me and my kids, and for lying about it. You will be the one who will have to explain the lies you told. You will have to deal with the betrayal your “friends” will feel. So dream on thinking the injuries you caused being related to whatever you need them to be. I don’t fear publishing all my medical records to prove you wrong so the world can see what you did to me and there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s my body and they’re my records. It’s the damage you caused and I can talk about it as much as I want, and if people put two and two together…that’s your problem. Not mine. My existence no longer revolves around keeping you happy or protecting your reputation. I did that way too long and even stuck around for 7 months afterwards hoping you would be human, instead you told me to kill myself. That’s who you are!
I’m not sure how yet, but I am now a non profit and I will raise money to educate and to help bring on change because I’ve had it with people like them. I’ve had it with people who contribute to society’s double standard by always blaming the abuser. Enough! No, I’m not emotional or unstable. I was emotionally gutted and physically abused so bad that my entire life has changed. And since my abuser has chosen to lie and pretend he didn’t hurt me, and go on taking selfies of himself on his rides without showing one ounce of remorse, then he should have no problem being the “confident” prick that he is, and explain how I was injured so severely if he was just “restraining” me while explaining the recordings I have of him admitting to the incident as violent. And with that I start a new chapter in what the universe has brought me!
I’m no longer going to be ashamed of what he did to me. I need support. Tired of the hardship and the daily struggles. Tired of suffering in silence and alone. Tired of feeling depleted. So….in honor of Ride The Rockies I will start with Strava. I was brave enough to share the story but haven’t yet connected the blog. I need to get a few things in order and then I’m going live because there is no way I am going to let him consume me in the way he has. If I have to think about him then I am going to make him a positive. He is my conduit to helping the abused not feel shame.