The cycle of victimization – his sister telling him how horrible I am and how I must’ve pushed him to attack me while justifying emotional abuse, Now that’s a happy and healthy family. My response to her was to ask if she teaches her daughter to make sure she behaves so she doesn’t upset her lover. That turned into me saying I wish that their daughter gets abused. I guess it’s okay if her uncle does it. It’s justified.
To the right is his order for a piece of jewelry while there was a no contact order in place. I’ll post more texts from that time later to show what he was saying to me and what he was telling others. Nothing different, tell me one thing and give talk about me as if my life was worthless.
“That innocence was in part what attracted me to her. Raw. Untamed. It’s how things felt when we were totally in sync. Holding each other in bed or holding each other’s hands walking familiar streets or new environments. It was primal and comfortable. It was that that I wanted to keep alive.”
This is what I fell for. He is delusional if he can’t see how he killed us. I know, forgetting he’s not capable. I’m allowed days like this, aren’t I. His I believe was driven by what he was taught to define happiness. Facade and perfection. you It’s impossible to think one can keep anything alive when you everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. You can’t keep anything alive when you betray trust over and over again, when you punish, treat the woman you say was the best thing that ever happened to you as if she was nothing, talking about her as if she needed to be handled.
I was the best thing that ever happened to him. And he was a huge lesson I’m still trying to learn from. He killed the innocence because as much as he loved it, and craved living so free, the old and familiar way of life was more comfortable. He could never sit with the guests. He could and will never be able to entertain the unwanted guests. He’s not capable because it’s easier to be a slave to pain and trauma that was inflicted upon him as a child. Someday I hope to once again “feel love” because I am “the most amazing, attentive, considerate partner. Writing me notes and leaving them around the apartment. Buying me gifts. Doing things for me like changing my tire on my truck when they needed it.” He is right I am all of those things.
I’m going to trust god, Karma and the universe that the truth will prevail and when it does I will still continue to be the “unstable” girlfriend. He, his ex wife nor any member of his family will never be able to honestly look at themselves to see their flaws. Their fatal flaw has become my savior. Truth is going to prevail so pedal faster and faster green eyed monster cause it’s about to catch up with you…