NOT! But he was expecting me to react by calling after I saw his “apology” –
When Vince was charged for assault we couldn’t communicate directly so he started a blog and Spotify playlist. Of course I wanted it because I foolishly believed he loved me and wanted me, and he did, up until February 16, 2017 when his trial was over. He wanted me up until he could flatter me and make promises to change until he managed to pursue me to ask the Commonwealth Attorney to drop the no contact portion of his plea agreement. He “wanted” this because he loved me so much! gag me. He loved me so much he didn’t want to stop paying for my medical bill that he had taken responsibility for paying. He slipped that in there as well. Like the fool that I was I agreed.
In September of 2017 I saw he was adding songs implying he missed me. I was much weaker then so I called, balling, asking why he was “doing this” to me. Why was he playing with my head. I asked that he remove the site and the playlist which he didn’t do in September but did so sometime in January or February after he decided he deserved to be happy and wanted to begin dating. I am mocking him a bit because that’s exactly what happened with us. He forgot to mention to his now ex wife who he was separated from and living apart from that he had decided the marriage was going to end and that he was going to begin dating. He didn’t say anything to her until March of 2012 when she called him to say she wanted a divorce, and then it was “I divorced her because I didn’t like her” – She was right when she said he’s not capable of having a hard conversation. I get her confusion after he began dating me but also began to do everything she had asked to do when they were married. I kind of get it. I still don’t care for her, but I get it. She fell hard for the act and he led her on by continuing to break her down when she would repeatedly ask him to leave her alone. He would find ways to talk to her and to enter her world. It was strange. I realize now that he can’t take being rejected and is afraid of her and his mother. He can’t stand to upset them. She wanted the new him and I sincerely hope she’s taken advantage of that after we broke up.
Sorry, I veered. As I was saying, we met January 2, 2012 so I knew his pattern. He decided it was time, not when I asked him, but when he thought it was time to put both in private modes. So much for all the feces he fed me which I consumed willingly, like a fool. He told me he was never going to love anyone like me and how happy I had made him and how he will never forgive himself for “breaking us” and how he had accepted that he will always be alone. Narcissists can’t stand being alone because they need praise. It’s why he can’t get off social media and is constantly posting selfies and talking about all of his biking and travels. He needs attention. Anyway, he said everything I needed to hear – I get tearful when I remember because I believed him. I believed he loved me. I cry because I will never understand anyone playing with people’s lives as he played with mine.
So, playlist becomes private when he begins dating, but still shows on my Spotify account for reasons I can’t explain. Fast forward to March 14, 2018 when he files a bogus complaint and I am charged with making annoying phone calls, which was dismissed after he failed to show in court to make his case, which I understand would have been hard to do since it was fictional. Who cares about putting someone with PTSD through two weeks of anxiety. It’s sad. All of this is just sad.
Later in the week I noticed he deleted my picture and changed the name of the playlist to “Goodbye Vesta” – I freak out because he had just filed a criminal complaint against me – was he sending me a message? I contact Spotify and ask them to please delink the damn playlist since I couldn’t figure out how to get rid of it. Then I see the playlist has been made public, name changed and a new song has been added. “Back to December” by Taylor Swift. I kid you not. I could not make these things up if my life was dependent on it.
I didn’t respond because I wanted to but I realized he was probably trying to activate me so I would respond and then he would file another complaint. That’s how sick he is. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t speed up and for a few seconds I thought…. maybe…maybe he will see a real psychologist to get proper treatment. Maybe the two of us still have a chance, and then flashbacks of the fun we had flashed through my head.
I chose to send everything to the entire city council, the officer who filed the report, along with every other person in the Alexandria Police Department and asked if they thought this was normal behavior. I let them know my life is a game for Vince and he plays with whenever the mood strikes and that they should have additional training and learn about Narcissistic abuse.
I have been processing a lot the past couple of days and trying to put the sarcasm aside and express how much I still hurt. How confused I still am and how some moments I still want him back. I posted this to keep myself honest because I know just like everyone else that people like him will never change. They can’t because they are not capable. The more I tell people my story the better I feel. I still hurt but acknowledging what happened and talking about its complexities help me accept the situation for what it is. I have even thought about sharing this blog on LinkedIn, FB and Strava so that I can’t hide anymore with people I know, and get serious about focusing on all the changes I want to make happen. I want people to know the journey I have been on. So when I begin to drive at night they understand it took how ever many years to get there. Or when I begin running or why I’m slow and what it means to finally begin and build back up to what I was – I refuse to be shamed. I refuse to let them shame me anymore than they already have. I am proud of myself for the work I have done and I want the support. Validation and support are key in finding ones path back to themselves.
Below are pics of the playlist. He can’t say any of it was an accident because as the pictures indicate it would have been much easier to delete the list. Instead he deleted my picture, changed the title twice, added another picture and then made it public.
It makes me sad he’s not capable of true remorse.
On a lighter note my money is on the list disappearing after he and his ex wife read this post. She will be furious and then he will work on being the husband he never was. That’s what Vince is all about. Making up what he never was after it’s over. He’s fatally flawed – I should write about that…