My sarcasm and dry sense of humor allows me to be on the outside of the nightmare that seems to go on and on. I started this blog because I wanted to prove to him by pointing out how quickly he changed his stories that he would tell me in private. My sense of humor keeps it light at times of darkness because if I don’t laugh or feel amused by some of what I have gone through and continue to go through, I would drop dead given the amount of stress I am under, which apparently he still believes is fake. Good news is I don’t care what he thinks because all of it will be dealt with at the appropriate time and he won’t be able to run away from what he did to me. He will be forced to hear what he did to me and the injuries he caused.
Being aware of the cycle of abuse and watching it in play is predictable and amusing. For example, once I posted the history behind the abuser’s Spotify list he had made for me, and how he was using it to try and get me to react, it went away for a few hours then came back, which I think was to make himself believe he was an honest earnest guy and not under his mother’s and ex wife’s control. A lie he told himself for the entirety of our relationship.
Fast forward Sunday and it’s gone again! This is how his pattern which he denies having works. He tries to let me know he cares for me to get something he needs, once he has it he takes it away because he needs to feel he’s won.
I bet after he and his posse sent the message threatening to “publicly shame” me on Thursday, they were feeling vindicated and euphoric because now, they thought, they had proof of who I really was. My guess is lots of texting went on with a lot of jabs. And a lot of beer drinking after excessive long bike rides. I bet he could barely stand to be alone so like a mad man he was out walking, riding, drinking and doing everything he could to not feel. I bet that on Sunday he had reset and told himself he deserved to be happy and probably signed up on some dating sites during his outings and as he use to so often pursed his lips and once again said “goodbye” to the list by making it private. It’s exactly what he did the night we met. It was a Sunday night when he decided to begin dating and signed up on match without telling his ex wife who he was separated from, but hadn’t yet mutually decided to divorce. Deciding to be happy is a cover for him jonsing for a supplier to admire him and confirm and reassure he’s a great guy and that it wasn’t him that broke his previous relationship. That’s how Vinny operates. He’s a detached soul – one week after he assaulted me, after agreeing to a bogus agreement with his ex so that the spotlight from him having assaulted me shift to me, he had the audacity to yell when I protested what he was agreeing to, because I wasn’t thinking about him. He actually said, I don’t want to limit myself if I’m one year I meet someone and decide to introduce the kids. A much different tune than the one he sang after I pressed assault charges and totally different from his BS speeches telling me how much he loved me and how he had accepted being alone because he was never going to be as happy as he was with me. I believed him like the fool that I was.
So, he’s high on himself believing he’s had the last word with his discovery and telling me I was a fool to believe anyone was going to believe he didn’t hurt me as bad as he did. That story has yet to unfold but I’m confident the only one who will be surprised will be him.
So keep pedaling Mr. VP! let your buddies feel sorry for what a victim you are, revel in what you think you’ve found and enjoy the high cause it won’t last long.