What timing! I came across this as I had, what I believe to be the last conversation I ever had with my abuser. Like a fool there’s a private and sensitive matter that I was hoping to address regarding our kids. Like a fool I left him a VM and asked for him to address the issue to avoid bringing others into it.
I’m smiling because not much has changed. He is the same lunatic I met on day one, a ledgend in his own mind. He cut me off, tried to shift the conversation to my wanting a relationship with him which I do not but he had to make a point saying “he could not have one with me” and I asked why and then realized he was changing the subject and that I don’t want to have a relationship and only wanted to talk to him about the issue at hand. He the gaslighted telling me he never said what he said and that I was insane and then he hung up. I called back several times to say he needed to have this discussion and that I was going to take the necessary actions to protect myself. He decided to think if he withheld talking to me and aI would go nuts. I didn’t. I did what I had to do. Done. Day 1 of no contact begins today.
What to expect if you are a Whistleblower who outs an Abuser — now there is a question we tend to get asked all the time as Narcissistic Abuse recovery advocates.
If you are considering outinn an Abuser, be mindful.
There is a reason why the phrase PLEASE DO NOT KILL THE MESSENGER has been a common phrase variant in nearly every culture since before Christ was a kid.
Whistleblowing is the word used to describe disclosing typically negative, troublesome, or potentially upsetting information. When and if an abuse victim or someone in the know about a potentially harmful secret makes the information public, they are called a Whistleblower.
Whistleblowers tend to be persecuted to the extreme socially and emotionally not only by whomever they outed. In a corporate environment, a person who tells a company secret is typically blacklisted and ousted from their profession.
In a toxic family unit or socially dangerous peer group, the Whistleblower is typically severely ridiculed, called a liar, accused of being clinically insane and therefore untrustworthy, and pervasively harassed in private while being aggressively smear campaigned against in public.
Whistleblowing is morally necessary for people who understand on an emotional intelligence level why any form of Narcissistic Abuse should be disclosed and put a have a stop put to it immediately (rather than being given the chance to become a secret).Bad Boss cooking the books and fleecing a company owner?
If an underling tells, chances are they will be fired while the Bad Boss strives to poison the well against the employee who is guilty only of striving to do or say the right thing when and if they feel it is morally appropriate.
Mommy Dearest overwhelmingly verbally or physically abusive when and if no other adult ears are listening?
Chances are if a child comes forward to seek emotional support and relief from child abuse, they (the child) will be blacklisted at school among the teachers and faculty due to the abusive parent actively lying and gaslighting other adults into believing the child is difficult, a compulsive liar, and ultimately (falsely) accused of doing nothing more than compulsive attention seeking.
Daddy Dearest or Bad Grandpa acting creepy while Mommy Dearest turns a blind eye — or worse… behaving like an Enabling Henchman for a toxic and pervasively dictatorial and overly controlling mother figure?
Greedy Grandma striving to ensure she is the only female in the family children or grandchildren should love and respect?
Connect the Dots Toxic family holidays traumatize People Pleasers
Toxic Mother turned abusive Grandmother, still abusing adult children while doing all she can to control, take custody of their own grandchildren legally away from their birth parent(s) by force, and compulsively striving to sabotage or undermine their own children by fostering every form of sibling rivalry and triangulation between parent and youngsters as they can?
Be ready for pain and humiliation you had no earthly idea one person could wish or do to another human being to be done to an adult child who grew up being abused but chooses to expose their own children to a saboteur grandparent.
If and when a person who is a witness to a crime, a social abuse incident that produces trauma, or who becomes aware of a Narcissistic Abuse cycle or behavior pattern finally decides to speak up, most are unprepared psychologically, financially, physically, socially, and emotionally for the storm of ridiculousness that tends to happen next.
Expect a flurry of abusive emails coupled with angry phone calls and messages. Resist the urge to delete any of them — instead, consider creating a digital abuse journal that is confidential.
Creating a Gmail account to send yourself cc copies of screen captures, digital recordings of voicemail that include the computer talk and detailed notes about time the message arrived, and screen captures of any social media details that are related to the Abuse, Abuser(s), or harassment incidents is crucial.
Instead of getting freaked out and upset over WHAT it all says and any cruel and abusive language choices the Abuser or a Flying Monkey striving to Abuse By Proxy sent, get EXCITED that you have proof positive that a troublesome person is prone to behaving in ways that are abusive or talionic.
PUT NO FURTHER ENERGY INTO PERSONALIZING ABUSE.
Disconnecting your emotional response to an abuser and learning how to observe and make mental note of abuse tactics as they change and vary turns surviving the smear campaign, onslaught, or discard pile punishments into a forensic psychology version of a homeschool project.
We are not trying to make light of abuse or to be flippant. Credible threats of violence, gaslighting stories spread by Abusers to cause victims to experience great shame, pain, social isolation, and humiliation are not trivial experiences to endure in the slightest.
What we are suggesting is that by self-educating and learning all you can about Cluster B people, their personality types, you can figure out what to expect them to do by habit or pattern when they are called out.
Connect the Dots Emotional maturity and the self-centered Narcissist
Sadly, the more a covert or overt abuser or abusive peer group like a toxic family unit have their name in the spotlight due to a Whistleblower refusing to keep their secret(s), the more likely the Whistleblower is likely to be targeted for social abuse with ruthless and vindictive intent and purpose.
Any person or preferred scapegoat target can actually learn how to avoid falling into their attention-demanding traps while psychologically being able to resist the urge to personalize self-esteem crushing betrayals and verbal abuses.
Read all you can about mind control tactics, emotional abuse, gaslighting, smear campaigning, stalking, bully, cyberbullying, and Narcissistic Abuse recovery and survival suggestions before exposing and confronting any person, corporation, business professional, love fraud perpetrator, or hospitality abuser to minimize personal pain, fear, and abject confusion.
Abusers hate nothing more than losing power over the minds, physical time, and emotional psychology of targeted Enablers and other victimized people.
When a Whistleblower does anything to cause a Cluster B person to lose the interest or affection of a narcissistic supply source, expect them to lash out with extreme levels of irrational and socially caustic and pervasively abusive social venom at whoever had the audacity to stand up to them.
The more prepared you are for it, the less likely you are to panic or react in an emotionally distraught way when and if you find out that they have been active smear campaign…
Or when more terrifying things start to happen — like when an Abuser or a Flying Monkey shows up out of the blue to threaten, physically assault, to stalk, harass, or to Abuse By Proxy at the behest of a morally insane peer group, professional organization, or compulsively socially aggressive person.
Proof Narcissistic Abuse recovery is POSSIBLE — please tell everybody
Hurling insults reveals true nature of Flying Monkeys and Abuse Enablers