Our First Date: Dinner. Second Date: Theater. Yours?

I’m writing this because he violently assaulted me by throwing/slamming me into a wall that resulted in severe damages I am still suffering from.  He caused permanent damage that will forever impact how I live and what I can do. I’m not a jilted lover nor unstable. I’m a survivor of 5.5 years of emotional abuse and a single episode of a violent attack. Threats and throwing things were a norm.

Were yours different? He’s charming and good looking and smart and knows all the right things to say in the beginning.  He’ll send you pictures of his rides and his bikes and random things that catches his eye telling you he wished you were there to share it with. He will make plans with you for adventurous travel and in the beginning will be proactive in planning dates.  He’ll make you feel you’re the only one and that he’s grateful for your support as he endures my wrath (see pic below of what he said about the ex. See the pattern.)  He will tell you lie after lie and and make you feel special.  He will pretend to have insight on himself when he tells you how he failed us or what he did wrong in his marriage, but don’t let that fool you because that will only be until he receives enough validation from you to feel regulated about himself.  He isn’t capable at looking inward. He will tell you stupid little lies and huge lies.  He will lie about his kids – He will omit important facts because he doesn’t believe omissions are lies. He will make you feel like you are the only one until you least expect it and then he’ll hit you where it hurts.  Then he will ignore you because you dared to confront him and had the audacity to question him. He’ll make you feel as though you will lose him if you don’t fall in line. And, before you know it, it will be you wondering where the real you went – what happened to the confident happy person you once knew…where did she disappear to.

Take it from someone who knows first hand, he will destroy you. Don’t be an idiot like me and believe you’re special and that somehow your love will make things better.

It’s not just him who is horrible, his mother, ex wife, sister, brother in law. I tell you this because collectively his family is worse than him and they will be cruel to you and put you down and make jabs, and he will blame you for making a big deal out of it. His mother told me during my first time visiting that I was just a “girlfriend” and that Christine was a “wife.”  They have no sense of boundaries – the first time I met his mother, she called him an ass hole behind is back.  She was right, but still.  Not something you do the first time you meet the new GF.

I wish I could write openly about a matter that will explain what a coward he is to them but I can’t publicly.  I will privately because it’s important you grasp the enormity of the disfunction you’re in, and because you have a right to know from the beginning since it’s a matter of safety.  Get out before you’re in too deep.

I can go on and on but are you going to listen or are you going to be stupid like I was. As much as I don’t like his ex she told me what he was like but I thought she was crazy and that I was special so he wasn’t going to be that way with me.  The joke was on me sister.  Get out.  Just get out!  He is everything she said he was.  An asshole, disconnected, detached and lacked judgment. I don’t know when you started to see him but we were still “trying” until I said no more on August 1, yet he sent grateful emails and wanted to take me to my doc appointment and have coffee and go see a concert.  He kept it up and then poof! He said he was blocking me. He didn’t have the balls to tell me he was stopping paying for the medical bills he was responsible for.  I’ll show you copies of our account.  70 thousand in 10 months – I will show you my medical records.  Anything you want because I’m not lying, but he is.  I’m afraid for you.  He destroyed my vestibular nerve, and I still have cognitive deficits and PTSD.  There’s more, but I’ll save those till later.  He needs to feel powerful and he can’t handle rejection.  He’s a grown man who has no soul. He doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong.  He will DESTROY you so walk before you lose yourself.  I will share recording of him admitting to having attacked me.  I will share whatever you want so you can rest easy that what you’ve seen or felt isn’t your imagination.  He is very skilled at gaslighting because he is so soft spoken and quiet. He is all of that AND his venom will kill you.  I don’t know who you are, and even if I did I wouldn’t reach out because it has to come from you so don’t be afraid if you want to know the other part of the story backed up by facts, not just his words but actual facts, reach out. I am sincerely scared for you because I know, like me, you are a wonderful person full of love and warmth. He didn’t have that so he gravitates towards us but treats us like his mother treated him.  Cold and never enough.

Take care,

Vesta

See the pattern…Everyone in his life is unstable once he gets done with them. You’re next….

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8 thoughts on “Our First Date: Dinner. Second Date: Theater. Yours?

Add yours

    1. Thank you for validating me like you have. Only those of us who have been through it understand why it’s important to let others know about narcissistic abuse. So thank you..you really made my day 🙂

      Like

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