Gaslighting, Healing Stages, My Story

Ex-wife and Thanksgiving 2015 – 4 years into it…

Gist of it is the ex wife was never happy with Vince having a life.  I met her once and was immediately concerned.  I was cordial until I dared to reach out to her directly after we had met to mention her younger son telling me his mom didn’t want to hear about me and Vince.  It was very casual and more like an FYI vs judgment which is I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to be expressing such things to the kids.  She got angry and from then she created problems, all the way to the very end.

Texts from 2013-14 – Good examples of Love Bombing.  He told everyone what the wanted to hear. The son who she said still wanted family vacations doesn’t really like Vince. It’s one of the ways she used to manipulate him.  It’s was a sick dynamic.  Their son told me sometime in 2016 that his dad wasn’t a very nice person and that he had no empathy.  I disagreed at the time but now, looking back, I should have listened.
We decided in May of 2013 to introduce the kids.  Christine threw a shit fit, asking him to keep me separate from them.  So, he lied and lied and delayed and lied and delayed until September 2013 almost 2 years after we met and 4 months after we decided to let the kids know, before he had a long conversation with Christine – whenever he disagreed with her, she would call him and next thing you know he’s doing exactly as she asked.  She’s just like her mother and mother ex-mother in-law – I have never met anyone like these people and I hope I never do again.  Back to what I was talking about…  Now, did she tell him she was dating or talk to him before introducing the kids to her boyfriend.  Of course not.  With her, it’s always her need to be front and center, and with her, he was and will always be a spineless wimp who has taught his kids not to upset mommy – it’s horrible to watch considering at 49 he still feels responsible for his mother’s feelings because she’s a nut bag who throws huge fits if she doesn’t get what she wants.  She called him an ass hole behind his back the first time I met her – I was shocked but after spending a holiday with them I saw that she is a control freak who starts crying and screaming at a drop of a hat.  She’s evil and she’s raised an evil son.  I feel sad for the kids because he can’t even do the right thing where they are concerned.  That’s the fact checking I do that reminds me of why I never want to be with him again.  
From: Vincent 
To: Vesta
Date: Sat, Aug 24, 2013 at 10:32 AM
I just meant that if Christine were handling things in a more accepting way that would remove one source of anxiety for you and me, but I know there are other reasons to want to take steps at the right pace.  It’s only a week and we will have a couple days to ourselves and I won’t need to restrain myself. :). I can have all or you. 

Vincent 

****************************************************************

The situation below is self explanatory.  I’m posting because I was blamed for everything here.  I had taken almost 4 years of lies and manipulation and blame, and so once she mocked and tried to bully me by saying she was going to the family, I shared the hell I was going through on FB.  Not my proudest moment because that is so not me (as I now have my own blog…LOL) have to laugh.  In all seriousness, I have never ever been so humiliated, manipulated and played with to this point in my life.  I just need to let it all out because it was a nightmare.    I’m not lying.  I’m not making myself out to be the healthy one because if I was I would not have stayed in something so ugly and destructive to myself as long as I did.  From his brother in law’s emails to this to Vince’s BS,  it almost destroyed me. It’s also freeing being able to talk about it  because I was muzzled and gaslighted for so long that I began to feel it was my fault. They all managed to change the story and make me out to be the villain.  This is my way of laying out the facts.

From: Vesta
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 8:54 PM
Subject: Thanksgiving
To: Christine

Dear Christine,

You are more than welcome to join us for dinner on Thanksgiving.  I believe my ex will be here as well.
I hold no ill feelings towards you and continue to hope that we can have a cordial and comfortable relationship.  I don’t know if Vince told you but David was diagnosed with Adenosquamous Carcinoma in November.  Not only am I heartbroken for him but I am heart broken and scared over what my kids may face.  The kids love their dad and will enjoy having him with us just as much as your boys will love having you here.  I’m tired of fighting and the discomfort and the bull shit that exists that really doesn’t need to….I forgave you and hope you can do the same.  Life is simply too short and too sweet to keep grudges and fight….I sincerely mean that.
Lets all move forward….
Take care,
Vesta
After receipt of this invitation she responded to Vince saying she was going to call me out – Whatever that meant. 
From: Vesta
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 9:17 PM
Subject:
To: Christine
You can call me out anytime you wish Christine and I am sorry you feel what you do towards me – Please leave Vince out of this.  Rest assure I will not email you anymore and refuse to put the kids nor Lee & Chuck in the middle.  Therefore I will not respond to anything you say to me in public.  We are grown women with children…sad that it has to be this way.
I wish you the best.
From: Christine
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 9:21 PM
Subject: Re:
To: Vesta 
I consider Vince responsible for bringing you into my life and not dealing with things when they are out of hand. The rest is not
Worth responding to. Good that you will leave me alone as I have requested many times.
After that response I didn’t hold back.  It’s one thing to be say the things she did but the lack of heartlessness was infuriating. 
From: Vesta
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 9:48 PM
Subject: Re:
To: Christine
I invited you over for a meal.  By the way, he knows you were screwing around with your classmate at Tufts.
From: Christine
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 9:55 PM
Subject: Re:
To: Vesta 
Cc: Vincent 
What on earth are you talking about!? I never cheated on Vince, ever. 
Vince. Now that your amazing girlfriend has started this conversation that you and I have never had- would you mind telling  me who I was supposed to be screwing at fletcher? 
On Oct 21, 2015, at 10:16 PM, Vincent:

I never said you were screwing anyone.  I believe you had a relationship with someone at Tufts, the nature of which I was not sure.  I didn’t address it because at that point I believe we had pretty much failed as a couple and were doing what we could to understand if there was a way forward.  Once we decided there wasn’t, it was a moot point then.  

I had no interest in digging this up and did not prompt it.
From: Vesta G
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 10:22 PM
Subject:
To: “Christine
Cc: Vincent
No Christine, I am not lying and I should have never said anything but I am so sick of the stress you have brought into our lives. But since you asked here is your answer. He didn’t mention a name but read one of your emails to a friend talking about the guy.  Apparently he worked for some organization in the UK.   I reached out to you and invited you to have dinner and instead you attack.
I don’t know if you read my response but I told you why I didn’t believe him ********.  It’s because he lied to me about you joining him for Christmas in 2012.  We began dating in January and in September after we decided to be exclusive I told him I wasn’t okay with him spending Christmas with his ex wife and that I was going to break it off.  He then told me he realized how much he loved me and so he asked you not to go.  But then he slipped and I learned that you did go.  Then the following September his mom told me not only were you there Christmas eve but you were also there Christmas day. I forgave him for both but to this day I wonder if you spent the night or if you really went on a business trip Christmas day.  The stress your passive aggressive demands have put on us and the entire family by making it known you do not want me around is taking a toll.  It is so bad his parents feel they have to choose because they are scared of you not letting them see their grand kids.  Vince sometimes is scared of you that you will take the kids.  Frankly, I will walk tomorrow if that’s what you want.  If you are going to hurt him by taking his kids then I will walk away from him because I am so sick and tired of the tug of war you have created and I don’t want to hurt him anymore by the demands I’m beginning to make because unlike you, I’m not a selfish bitch. You want to control and you want to hurt.  You want everyone to think you are the super star and you’ve been wronged.  It’s always someone else’s fault.  It’s always someone else that’s causing you pain.  You won.  You were the wife and how stupid of me to think we could be cordial and show our kids that we can all sit around a table and share a meal.  How stupid of me to think that was possible. I reached out to you tonight to invite you for dinner and told you about David and instead of any sort of empathy towards my kids you start this shit.
Well, be happy you are so feared.  Be happy for the demands that you’ve made that push me out.
This is so incredibly sad….
From: Christine
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 10:45 PM
To: Vincent 
Cc: Vesta 

Why did Vesta say you knew I was screwing someone. Can you please account for this. Or maybe vesta you can explain. Were you lying or is Vince lying. Someone is and it is not me. 
Vince, do you find it acceptable
That your girlfriend emailed your ex wife falsely accusing her of screwing someone while we were married? If not, please explain to me why you are in a relationship
With someone with this behavior. If you think it is ok for her to do this, please explain to me why you think it is ok. 

Email below is who this woman is.  It was all about control.  I wish I would have walked like I said I was going to. 

From: Christine
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 10:49 PM
To: Vincent 
Cc: Vesta

So guys. I am done with this. I will share tomorrow with the entire family. Good luck to you.

From: Vesta G
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 10:51 PM
Subject:
To: “Christine
Cc: Vincent

No Christine, I am not lying and I should have never said anything but I am so sick of the stress you have brought into our lives. But since you asked here is your answer. He didn’t mention a name but read one of your emails to a friend talking about the guy and how things got hot.  He read the email because he became suspicious you were traveling to Boston so often and seemed completely detached.  Apparently he worked for some organization in the UK.  I should have kept this to myself as I have for the last 3 plus years and regret saying anything.

From: Vesta G
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 10:51 PM
Subject:
To: “Christine
Cc: Vincent
No, Christine.  I will share tonight.
Please do not email me anymore.  I’m done.
From: Vesta G
Date: Thu, Oct 22, 2015 at 1:52 AM
Subject:
To: “Christine
Cc: Vincent
In response to your many passive aggressive threats about my relationship with the boys.  Rest assure Christine I limit my contact with the boys because I’m afraid of you given your inability to assume responsibility for your actions and need to be a victim.   I am never alone with the boys and when we are together Vince is always in charge. I limit the contact my kids have because I don’t want any hostility your boys sometimes feel towards me that stem from your inability to control your hostility towards me in front of them to ever affect my kids.  Since you need to know everything also know the one demand I make from Vince is to limit tv, video games and phone since I prefer to interact when we are together but also because of philosophical differences on what is appropriate to watch and not.  So, don’t worry…most of the time it’s just Vince and I.  And unlike you I will think about not coming to games to show my support or other activities because despite the shit you want to feed yourself about my relationship with them I care immensely for them and don’t want them to feel bad for liking me in front of you.  You have everyone trained well and they all fear upsetting you.  Really really sad we are here…Really sad.
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Vincent Beggs
Date: Tue, Jan 5, 2016 at 12:18 AM
Subject: Re:
To: Christine Beggs

Christine,
I am not sure why you felt it necessary to forward this but since you did, a couple things that you have either asked for clarification in the past and that I may not have addressed, I will try to address now.  There are several other items where you accuse Vesta of lying that I will address in the coming week as well.
1) “Vince.  Is it true that***********************? Please answer this directly.”
Response: Yes, *********************8 I believe I answered this in person but want to make sure I did since you asked and indicated you did not believe that he did.  I do not believe **********************888asking.
2) “…About kids so not gonna paste
 
3) From the same exchange as above.
Because I am not his parent I am not able to discipline so in those situations all I do is tell him to stop, be kind and encourage R2 to speak up and share with you and his dad.  I have seen Lee argue with Vince begging him not to ******* him. I have never heard this before and have asked Vince to confirm that this conversation actually happened. Normally Lee would speak to me directly if she had such a concern as we have a very good relationship. Vince does not recollect his mother “begging” on this issue or any conversation that resembles what you have portrayed here. Please ask him. This is an exaggeration. 
Response: I do not recollect our conversation exactly where you say I do not recollect my mother “begging”, and I may very well have said I didn’t characterize it as begging, but she was quite upset at the time of our conversation, was crying, and conveyed at the time that she did not think it was a good idea to have the *******************and that through conversations with ******************* .
4) Somewhere along the way you asked to confirm if Vesta was not watching the kids alone because she feared what you might allege.
Response: Yes, I believe she is scared of you. She wrote you confirming that in one of the emails in October.
–Vince
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