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Ego and sense of righteousness

Is what gets to me every time.  Acceptance of the situation as is, is hard to get to. I try every day.  I look at the facts and I remember what a monster he is…and then I go to one of my 9 fucking doctors appointments and each time learn how severely he injured me, and then all the skills to calm me down is out the door.  What makes these people so dangerously cruel.  I have to remember I don’t owe him anything – he has smeared my name so why not tell the truth about what sort of a monster he really is…damn him.

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9 thoughts on “Ego and sense of righteousness”

  1. Sometimes when we continue to attach ourselves to past experiences, it hurts us more than ever… Most times I feel like the more I pay attention to the negative parts of any person, It gives them the satisfaction that they are getting under my skin. I know I probably don’t have much to give, but try turning this energy that you’re giving this person, into energy that you should be giving yourself. It’s all about you now. It’s Time. You are deserving of your own love and energy. Stay strong and keep your light shining, love.
    -K

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    1. Thank you so much. I know and I try every moment of every day to do just what you suggest. I struggle though because I haven’t yet figured out how to not associate my physical injuries that he caused that have resulted in the many deficits I have to navigate. He permanently destroyed my vestibular nerve so my entire balance is off. My world shifts to the right. Nausea, lightheadedness…9 doc appointments per week. I don’t know how to channel the anger I feel when I’m faced with the physical challenge that I face every day. I’m working on getting well but it’s hard and not happening fast enough. My cognitive testing show I’m way below normal. It’s hard…tell me how because there’s nothing more I want then to never think about him again. Frankly, I want to change policy. I want to change how society deals with women and abuse. The system failed me – I can go on and on.

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      1. Oh my dear, I can’t imagine the kind of physical pain you’ve endured and are currently having to live through everyday. I can only empathize in hopes that I can understand better how much females need to be heard. I am with you 110% on how society has failed so many populations and think that your posts are very well needed for other women to see and hear. I’m sure there are a ton of people who can relate. As for the physical pain you face, It will get better but rushing it and expecting to get better by a certain timeline, will only make your anxieties worse. It seems like an extremely hard climb, to get back to feeling secure and 100% you again, but believe me when I say, You will find yourself again. Start within. It always start with self-acceptance, self-love, and self-validation. Would love to connect more with you, shoot me an email =) With love and light,
        -k

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      2. I will. Thank you. It’s been almost 15 months but I’m in good hands now as far as medically. On top of the physical injuries I deal with PTSD as well. It’s gotten much better, specially after I stopped contact. I need to accept things as they are. But I struggle with reconciling how I could have stayed as long as I did and that he was able to control me in such a way I didn’t think was possible. A lot of pain but I’m hopeful…I will reach out.

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      3. Yes thats the first thing… accepting your entire life up to now and most importantly being FORGIVING to yourself for allowing the negativity get to you. We’re all human and are prone to making mistakes but as long as we learn from them, we are on the right path. Don’t dwell on how you put up with him for so long… but moreso how you were strong enough to get away from him and building yourself back to stand up to be even STRONGER for yourself and other women alike <3<3

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      4. Thank you. Really mean that. I feel much more free this morning because I came to realize I don’t have to be the keeper of his secrets. I can stand up for myself and tell the truth to those who matter. He’s a monster…

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