On Mon, Feb 27, 2017 at 4:23 PM, Vesta <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
I need it to be clear that I do not agree with the story you shaped after the events. That is gaslighting. You were going out of your way trying to turn me on asking me why I was dressed. You were touching me and kissing me and got me in the mood. We were totally into each other…..I asked if you didn’t want to have sex and you said no, I just wanted to hold you and comfort you. That was your initial answer. The rest came later as usual. In my gut I think you have no desire to be around me and I think you are because you are afraid of a law suit. I think you have moved on and given how you justified dating me after Christine I have a hard time believing you haven’t met someone else. It really doesn’t matter if you have or not, but something about your behavior is off. You were so loving before the 17th and then you became a dick and we were back on the mary-go-round. It’s not good for my health so unless you can put the games aside and be real then lets stop talking all together. I can’t put up with games or bull shit. It’s not good for me whatsoever because it confuses me and raises my blood pressure and brings on stress and anxiety.What you did last night and you did do what I know you did for whatever reason because you didn’t say one thing about my biting you when I asked you if you didn’t want to have sex. Your initial response was “no, I just wanted to hold you” What sort of games are you playing with me Vince? Seriously, I’m not that stupid so please don’t do it. It’s going to back fire. Your treatment of me is going to blow up in your face because it’s off. I liked who you were the week of my birthday. If you want to be that person again, great but I need easy going and drama free and you are full of both. So please please stop it. I don’t want to be your fuck buddy or friend with benefit. I want a lover who’s an adult who will treat me like a woman should be treated. That’s what I want. The rest will come or it wont. I need to move and get the hell out of here.…….I will ask doctor if I can fly. I had a hard day physically and tried my best to be good company. You are way too serious for someone who complains about me being too serious and wanting to talk all the time. Every time I loosen up you tighten up. I also reached back out to Christine and asked her a few questions to shed light on situations I am unsure about. Given the rocky road we are on, I plan to make a decision whether to cut all contact with you by the end of this week if I have the funny feeling in my gut continues. I want to listen to myself and right now I’m under the impression you were so sweet because you wanted something and because you didn’t get it you are back to your old self. So, you have till Sunday to prove, not with your words, but by your action, otherwise. I don’t feel right Vince. I have been crying and anxious and afraid I what you did has fucked me up. I am afraid you aren’t helping because you aren’t taking it seriously or don’t believe it’s actually happening. I don’t know but please please please blah blah blah blah….LOL..shame on me for writing yet another email that will go unanswered like all the other ones I have sent today or before today……I think you are trying to keep a low profile 🙂
|date:||Mon, Feb 27, 2017 at 4:57 PM|
|subject:||Re: about last night|
I will continue to let you know how I feel in the moment. I did last night and will do so in the future and I am really very sorry if I frustrated you. There wasn’t any intent to frustrate you, I think I have a long enough track record of being passionate with you that you can trust I am not playing some game.
On Mon, Feb 27, 2017 at 5:10 PM, Vesta <email@example.com> wrote:
This is why I am scared. This is why I am so scared that no amount of Ketamine can help. I am so scared of never being normal. Of never finding love. Of never being the mom I was. Never being able to drive. Never being able to smell the sea. Never being able to listen to loud music. Never being able to look to the left. Never being able to look up at someone. Never remembering things that happened yesterday. Never experiencing the feeling after a run. Never knowing normal as I once knew it. Ketamine has been great because I wanted to die 3 weeks ago and could not stop crying and panicking, but it can not solve my anxiety over what has happened to me, and a part of me believes you need to suffer with me. That’s not rational but I want you to know how it feels to feel so off. I want you to understand and empathize and kiss my ass because it is scary to be living with this. My friend in my neighborhood told me it has been almost two years for her this summer and she’s still foggy. She’s still off…I’m scared of that. If I don’t have short term memory how will I learn anything – how will I go back to school. I’m just scared and want you to understand. And I want you to emotionally be present and not get defensive. I want you to be okay with my feeling like you owe me because I will take you erasing my computers 10 times over and ripping up my own pictruess 30 times over to what I am going through. It is really really really really scary
|date:||Mon, Feb 27, 2017 at 5:15 PM|
I know. You are going to be okay and I will be there to help you get there again. Stay positive and rest. Do the things you need to to make that outcome happen.