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Anger and rage

I had to post this because that’s exactly what happened. He assaulted me, blamed me for it and then couldn’t understand why I was angry with him.  He kept saying, I failed us because I didn’t make plans.

No, Vince, that was the reason you gave me as far as why your marriage failed, but now that I’ve experienced you, it’s not that you didn’t make plans. I wish that was all.  It’s that you are disconnected and could not give a damn about how your actions impacted me or anyone else for that matter. You chose not to want to give up your way of lying because it’s too painful to look at yourself and try and become a better person.  You failed us because you chose to.  You failed us because you gaslighted me over and over again and tried to make me feel bad for wanting a normal relationship.  You pretended I was special and I believed you because I never imagined someone was as evil as you.  I never imagined that everything positive you told me about me was someday going to be put down and made fun of.  Planning.  No.  After you assaulted me you were a monster, and treated me worse than you had when we were together.  You were cruel, heartless and chose to justify your actions and behavior, as you always had in the past.  You chose to not take my PTSD serious because you didn’t want to believe it was real or knowing I had it you chose to do things you knew were going to trigger me.  Maybe you wanted to push me over the edge.  You actions left me wanting to die.  Do you remember hanging up on me after I told you I wanted to kill myself because it was going to be the only way people were going to know what a monster you are, and expose your secrets.  Remember your response? You hung up, and when I called back you said you were angry because you couldn’t believe I wanted to hurt you. Do you remember telling me to kill myself and put you out of your misery.  That’s who you are.

I use to be excited about life and living, and you destroyed me.  Go to a forensic psychiatrist and have yourself examined by a real professional – you are disordered,   disconnected, and lack empathy. Instead of being truthful, you chose to lie to the therapists you began to see.  You lied to them because you needed a new  supplier, and they believed your act, and once again you were back in your fantasy world of being a misunderstood nice guy.  You got people reacting the way you needed, and it wasn’t long before your ego was inflated.

Yes, I’m angry, but I have a right to be because of what you did.  You never ever said you were sorry about anything. Never had remorse for attacking me, causing the injuries that you did, and if that wasn’t enough, you went on to tell me the horrible things that you did. I’m angry because you lied to me from the beginning and by the time I found out it was too late.  I was already your victim.  You say you are sad most of the time. No you’re not.  That’s just you, playing with me again.  You expect me to respond, but there’s no way am I going to do something that will get me in legal trouble because that’s what you want, and you always do what you want. Facts are that If you were that much in love, you would have treated me better when we were together because god knows you had chance after chance. You would have been protective instead of getting off on humiliating me, a trait your mother passed on to you, and one you passed down to your oldest.  No, there’s not an ounce of compassion or empathy in neither of you, and just because you say it doesn’t mean it’s reality.

If you love me as much as you say you do, you would have integrity.  Instead, you are played with my fragile state, said one thing to my face, and did another behind my back. Your actions screamed over and over and over that you didn’t and don’t give a damn.

I don’t say any of this lightly, but I experienced your abuse and witnessed your interaction with your family, and how your mommy dearest treats you, and the fear you have of her and your ex. You are a product of your abusive environment that you choose not to face.  Your mother use to repeatedly say she wasn’t responsible for how you and your sister turned out. Funny how you use to say the same exact thing. As if that wasn’t telling enough you and your entire family say the same thing about how happy and normal you all are.  Yep, you’re all a “typical happy family.”  It was bizarre to hear the same phrase at various times, separately, from each of you.  You started your match profile talking about how happy you are. That was your first lie.

If ever you find the strength to face your demons,  you may have a chance to be who you think you are.  Until then, you will remain empty and unhappy, a selfish soul who leads life with a set of alternative facts, and interests to distract himself from facing your pain. You inflict pain onto others so you avoid feeling your own.

Ed Kemper has more insight on who he is than you do.  He understands how his upbringing shaped him.  He turned himself in because he wanted to stop killing people. The only serial killer ever to have turned himself in. Now that’s insight.  I have to keep reminding myself of that just so I never ever forget how unhealthy you are, and to make sure I never make the same mistake again.  I need to remember you are cold and heartless and that you gutted me in ways I never thought possible.

Hey! Maybe we can work it out, when like ED, you are able to admit to who you are, talk openly about the sins of your mother and why you are this way and what you are doing to heal and fix yourself.  Watch Ed’s videos, the guy has a high IQ. Your impressed with things like that, right.  Until then keep thinking you are the victim, I’m the unhealthy one, you love me but got tired of my not “trusting you,” and that you did what was best for me…LOL…go ahead and tell yourself that, and your attorney that I’m a crazy whore, your parents and ex that you didn’t have anything to do with me when you did, your kids that I’m not well and to tell you if I ever reach out, your colleagues that you are a victim of a crazy woman.  Sure Vince….it’s all me.  All of it.  You are perfect.

 

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm It is YOUR fault no matter what, and you DIDN’T do anything to deserve this treatment. BUT you are to ACCEPT their every deception or else they will find somebody else to serve them […]

via Part 1 – Any conversation or interaction with a Narcissist is like a ‘hit and run’ accident – you are left in shock, dazed, damaged and trying to figure out what just happened! — After Narcissistic Abuse

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